I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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