Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
