THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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