It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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