I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
