her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
