I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
