Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
