you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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