that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
