So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
