After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
