I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
