flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
