I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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