She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Oh god it's open bar.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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