You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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