i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
