I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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