I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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