I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
