K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
