If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
