i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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