the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
