I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
