remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Is it because I queefed?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
