my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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