I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We are all done wearing pants today
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
