Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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