Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize