twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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