this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
