If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
