trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
