Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
