i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
