We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
