We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
