There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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