no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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