pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize