I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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