Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she told me i tasted like america
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
