I got chris browned last night
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
