somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
two words: eviction party
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
