Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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