is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
