if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
