you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
