the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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