There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize