I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
