Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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