If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
