btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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