I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
