Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
