im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Do you still have your period?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
