So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
