Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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