Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize