but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
