So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
two words: eviction party
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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