We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Randomize
