i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize