Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
