He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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