he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
