I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
