sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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