I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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