Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
