OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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