Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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