even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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