how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
