if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He shit in the fireplace
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
