Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
