i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
