Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
