when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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