I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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