ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
