Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
