I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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