youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
